Black is supposedly a smoky vanilla scent, with the smokiness coming from a lapsang souchong tea note. The reality is that Black smells like straight-up burnt rubber. Now, rubber may have sexy connotations galore to the BDSM crowd, but I personally find it disorienting and unenjoyable. Black is edgy, I'll give it that, and a good match for Angelina, who famously used to wear a vial of her ex-husband's blood as a necklace.
You guys, I know that we're supposed to think that Angelina is like a much more bangable Mother Teresa or something to that extent, but does anyone else remember that she used to be really, really weird? I mean, remember how she made out with her brother on the red carpet, and took pictures with horses that were Equus-levels of inappropriate, and slept with a knife under her pillow, and just generally seemed very troubled? I will include the most family-friendly of those horse pictures here to illustrate my point.
Yes, this really and truly was the most family-friendly of the horse pictures.
I will be honest here: I do not particularly care for Angelina Jolie. I would never try to deny her incredible beauty or her equally impressive charity work, but I also have not forgotten that she had an affair with a married man. I also hated her in "A Mighty Heart". I actually feel fairly strongly about this. "A Mighty Heart" was about the Jewish journalist Daniel Pearl, who was murdered by Pakistani terrorists in 2002. That movie had a damn important story to tell, and that story was lost amidst Jolie's overdramatic attempt at serious acting. Additionally, "Beowulf" was nothing short of the worst movie of all time. I think what I'm trying to say here is that Angie should probably stick to "Tomb Raider", and try to be a little bit less of a homewrecker.
Cut it out, Angie!
So we were talking about Black, and how it is very interesting but (in my personal, very unpopular opinion) has no place on a list of sexy perfumes. However, Black is closely related to a perfume that is the very definition of "Sexy Times": MV3 by M.A.C. MV3 was created in 2002 by perfumer Cecile Krakower, whose otherwise scanty resume includes "Paris Hilton Fairy Dust." Like Black, MV3 is a smoky vanilla. There are two key differences between the two. First, where Black evokes smokestacks belching out black clouds, MV3 contains a mere breath of smoke. Second, instead of Black's bizarre rubber note, MV3 has dark, creamy leather. Despite a prominent vanilla note, MV3 is worlds away from Pink Sugar and its ilk. It starts off sweet and smoky and dries down to a rather sharp, unsweetened leather. At no point is MV3 particularly friendly or comforting. The green dagger that is the vetiver topnote gives MV3 unsmoothable edges and a dangerous glint in its eyes.
MV3 reminds me of the Barry Levinson movie "Liberty Heights". Adrien Brody falls in love with an exquisite girl (played by the still-fabulous model Carolyn Murphy), only to discover that she is absolutely psychotic. Her character is compared to a thoroughbred horse: beautiful, but very high-strung. MV3 smells like a stunning woman (blonde hair, pale, creamy skin) wearing a tight-fitting leather jacket. She's sitting alone at a bar, smoking a cigarette. You might wonder how such a gorgeous creature could possibly be alone. If you were to approach her, you would probably discover that there is a very good reason for her solitude.
Carolyn Murphy in Liberty Heights. Can't you just feel the crazy?
Disclaimer: I have sampled Black at Sephora and MV3 at Nordstrom.