DEAR KEIRA: YOU NEED A BIGGER HAT

Before we talk about Coco Mademoiselle (spoiler alert: if you read the Chance review, you already know what Coco Mademoiselle smells like, because they are EXACTLY THE SAME), can we talk about this ad? I'll be straight: I hate it. Remember in Gossip Girl when Blair Waldorf was dating Lord Marcus (you know, the one who was totally sexing his stepmom), and she brings up "Atonement," and he's all "No, Blair, you're not like that tart Keira Knightley."

I was always so confused by that line, because Keira always seemed to me the loveliest and classiest of girls. But I look at this ad and I cannot help but wonder: Was Lord Marcus right? Is Knightley tarty? And if so, what else was he right about? Should we ALL be engaging in quasi-incestual relationships? Should we ALL be pronouncing the name Blair as "Bleh"? So many questions. Incidentally, Emma Watson is rumored to be the next face of this fragrance, and if they try to replicate the look of this ad with her I will probably cry because HERMIONE IS NOT A HO.

Perhaps, my astute readers, you can sense that my ranting is a form of stalling, because I really do not have all that much to say about Coco Mademoiselle. Created in 2001 by Jacques Polge, it smells practically identical to Chance, but with less warmth, more floral top notes (rose, and there's definitely some orange in the beginning) and more vanilla and musk in the drydown.

When I was taking notes on this fragrance (why yes, I do have a perfume notebook, and yes, it is covered in pink polka dots), I used the word "pretty" three times in my observations. It is extremely pretty- frankly, too pretty for my tastes. I do not really think of myself as pretty, and so something as lovely as Coco Mademoiselle does not quite suit me. It evokes a very beautiful woman who does not particularly interest me. Think Diane Kruger.

One of these two people never fails to catch my attention. I'll give you a hint: It's the one that I have a life-size cardboard cutout of. I'll give you another hint: It ain't Diane Kruger.